Trusting Yourself

Trusting Yourself

As you all know I have been on the couch recovering from gallbladder surgery. I used to fear being left alone because the second that no one was around I would devour the entire pantry. That is no exaggeration, I would eat absolutely everything that was in sight. I would riffle through half eaten chip bags making my way to the crisper for the infamous hidden peanut butter cup and lastly moving  directly to the freezer to finish up all the ice cream...later blaming it on the kids of course! All while not understanding why I was doing this and desperately wanting the madness to end.

The funny part is when your behavior changes gradually you tend to forget what it felt like to be in that moment especially if that moment was something you would rather forget. As I have been sitting around the house I had that ah ha moment, I realized that I did not fear being home alone anymore, as a matter of fact I love being home alone! I look at the clock and it is 3 in the afternoon and I have no idea how it got there, I used to look at the clock at 10 am and swear it must be 2 in the afternoon because I have already had 3 full course meals! Now that I have taken control of my emotions and deal with them head on the out of control behavior just faded away.

What an amazing and liberating feeling this is to be able to just trust myself enough to be alone and enjoy my own company. For the first time I really like spending quality time with me, I am no longer shadowed with a cloud of fear, fear of learning who I really am because the fact of the matter "who" I really am is revealed by exactly who I choose to be. It is all my choice and I am so grateful that I have learned this truly empowering lesson!