Trusting Yourself
As you all know I have been on the couch recovering from gallbladder surgery. I used to fear being left alone because the second that no one was around I would devour the entire pantry. That is no exaggeration, I would eat absolutely everything that was in sight. I would riffle through half eaten chip bags making my way to the crisper for the infamous hidden peanut butter cup and lastly moving directly to the freezer to finish up all the ice cream...later blaming it on the kids of course! All while not understanding why I was doing this and desperately wanting the madness to end.
The funny part is when your behavior changes gradually you tend to forget what it felt like to be in that moment especially if that moment was something you would rather forget. As I have been sitting around the house I had that ah ha moment, I realized that I did not fear being home alone anymore, as a matter of fact I love being home alone! I look at the clock and it is 3 in the afternoon and I have no idea how it got there, I used to look at the clock at 10 am and swear it must be 2 in the afternoon because I have already had 3 full course meals! Now that I have taken control of my emotions and deal with them head on the out of control behavior just faded away.
What an amazing and liberating feeling this is to be able to just trust myself enough to be alone and enjoy my own company. For the first time I really like spending quality time with me, I am no longer shadowed with a cloud of fear, fear of learning who I really am because the fact of the matter "who" I really am is revealed by exactly who I choose to be. It is all my choice and I am so grateful that I have learned this truly empowering lesson!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Reaching the Top!!
Reaching the Top!!
About 3 years ago I made a very big public announcement, my friend and I was going to hike Mount Katahdin to benefit MS. We even publicized it to 20,000 people in print and countless readers online with The Good News-paper. We told the story of my business partner and friend who was diagnosed with MS, Grace Kennedy.
Grace is one of the most inspirational people I have ever met, she has buried a daughter, brought her husband through cancer and been diagnosed with MS. If you met Grace you would never know it, she runs around like a steam engine, gliding through life with an attitude that is only explained by her very own name...Grace.
When I approached her with the idea she said...sure! She actually wanted to climb with me!!This is a woman who has MS! She refuses to let it control her life and I admire her spirit and it is truly contagious.
So here is the part where I FAILED!! I thought by making this public statement it would force me to do something about my weight, yes again I was not ready and did not fulfill my promise. I quickly learned a very important lesson...you can not force yourself to make a change that you are just simply not ready for.
So now I am in a very different place in my life, a place where I am publicly making the statement that I will climb Mount Katahdin to celebrate the marking of my 365 journey all while raising money for a good cause. I started this journey on Sept 8th 2011 and plan to climb the mountain on Sept 8th 2012. Making this climb will signify just how far I have come and will also help fulfill my promise to a very dear friend.
If anyone would like to join me in the climb and training (I am planning over the next 4 months)or wish to donate to the MS fund please let me know and I will send you info on how to do this! Thanks!!
About 3 years ago I made a very big public announcement, my friend and I was going to hike Mount Katahdin to benefit MS. We even publicized it to 20,000 people in print and countless readers online with The Good News-paper. We told the story of my business partner and friend who was diagnosed with MS, Grace Kennedy.
Grace is one of the most inspirational people I have ever met, she has buried a daughter, brought her husband through cancer and been diagnosed with MS. If you met Grace you would never know it, she runs around like a steam engine, gliding through life with an attitude that is only explained by her very own name...Grace.
When I approached her with the idea she said...sure! She actually wanted to climb with me!!This is a woman who has MS! She refuses to let it control her life and I admire her spirit and it is truly contagious.
So here is the part where I FAILED!! I thought by making this public statement it would force me to do something about my weight, yes again I was not ready and did not fulfill my promise. I quickly learned a very important lesson...you can not force yourself to make a change that you are just simply not ready for.
So now I am in a very different place in my life, a place where I am publicly making the statement that I will climb Mount Katahdin to celebrate the marking of my 365 journey all while raising money for a good cause. I started this journey on Sept 8th 2011 and plan to climb the mountain on Sept 8th 2012. Making this climb will signify just how far I have come and will also help fulfill my promise to a very dear friend.
If anyone would like to join me in the climb and training (I am planning over the next 4 months)or wish to donate to the MS fund please let me know and I will send you info on how to do this! Thanks!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Obstacles (surgery)
Obstacles
We deal with many obstacles on this journey to a healthy, whole person. Obstacles of our mind, time, excuses, family support, commitment and ones of the physical body. I have been dealing with some obstacles of my own for a while now, ones that just don't seem to get better. I have fought and fought to keep my gallbladder, hoping that it would get better but it hasn't. Now it has effected my daily routine and most importantly, now MY WORKOUTS!!
Many people live with occasional gallbladder problems and never require surgery, I was hoping that I was going to be one of those people, but unfortunately I am not. When I learned that I had to have surgery I was upset because of the recovery time, this would heavily impact my workouts! But thinking back...as this problem has progressed I have noticed a decline in my ability to achieve a great workout session anyway.
The more I thought of the surgery I realized that I had to stop being negative and take this for what it really was, a little obstacle that I needed to embrace and swiftly moved past it on my way to the finish line. As I accepted and embraced the surgery I realized just how much of a blessing it would be to have it. I would begin to live a life not slaved by heartburn, indigestion and extreme pain every day, and most importantly I would be able to push my body as I once did during my workouts.
Remember when you come across an obstacle, you must stop, understand it, embrace it and figure out a way around and when it's in your rear view mirror the only thing you can do it just smile!!
Surgery tomorrow!!Wish me luck!! Love to you all!!
We deal with many obstacles on this journey to a healthy, whole person. Obstacles of our mind, time, excuses, family support, commitment and ones of the physical body. I have been dealing with some obstacles of my own for a while now, ones that just don't seem to get better. I have fought and fought to keep my gallbladder, hoping that it would get better but it hasn't. Now it has effected my daily routine and most importantly, now MY WORKOUTS!!
Many people live with occasional gallbladder problems and never require surgery, I was hoping that I was going to be one of those people, but unfortunately I am not. When I learned that I had to have surgery I was upset because of the recovery time, this would heavily impact my workouts! But thinking back...as this problem has progressed I have noticed a decline in my ability to achieve a great workout session anyway.
The more I thought of the surgery I realized that I had to stop being negative and take this for what it really was, a little obstacle that I needed to embrace and swiftly moved past it on my way to the finish line. As I accepted and embraced the surgery I realized just how much of a blessing it would be to have it. I would begin to live a life not slaved by heartburn, indigestion and extreme pain every day, and most importantly I would be able to push my body as I once did during my workouts.
Remember when you come across an obstacle, you must stop, understand it, embrace it and figure out a way around and when it's in your rear view mirror the only thing you can do it just smile!!
Surgery tomorrow!!Wish me luck!! Love to you all!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Embracing Who You Are
Embracing Who You Are
Have you ever watched that show Mike and Molly? I love that show! On TV they never show "fat" people and their lifestyles, this is not what "sells". They finally went against the grain and created a show about two overweight people living their lives...and guess what? It sells! Why you ask?? It's not glamorous...its not sexy. The reason why is because 60% of Americans are overweight, it may be 10 pounds or 100 pounds. There is a small group that can not watch that show and remember a time in their life when they weren't going through the same issues with weight and food.
The thing I love most about this show is the fact that they don't make these people hide in shame, they are bringing the issues to the front, embracing who they are and giving all of us permission to do the same. Tell me, do you think you are the only person who has eaten a candy bar and put the wrapper under the seat of your car? Are you the only one that has gone on a diet and been so deprived you ran directly from the gym to the ice cream section of the grocery store. How about the only one that has taken their scales and thrown them in the trash? ( I have thrown three sets in my POOL!!) I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and never feel that you have to hide who you really are.
That brings me to who we really are. By now you know quite a bit about me and who I am, would you say that I am a binge eater who lacks self control when it comes to food, a person who buries her problems under a steep pile of cookies? I once was that person, but not anymore. I believe that you must really be honest with yourself about who you really are and how you live your life, and then and only then you can make the hard changes that will bring you to a new juncture where you will be able to make life changing decisions.
This is a hard pill to swallow, learning who you really are, but you can do it. The most important thing to remember is just because you are in one place today does not mean that is where you will be tomorrow. We all have the ability to accept ourselves lovingly, NO MATTER who we are, and from that point is where the change will blossom. For example: Every time I talk about my former habits and things I was ashamed of it releases a little more power for me to harness and put to good use on this journey. By admitting and talking about the things I always tried to hide I am releasing pent up guilt and shamefulness that no longer serves me any purpose, because I am no longer that person. The new Nikki I would say is a strong, centered, aware person who loves and respects her mind body and spirit. She got to this place by starting the journey on a platform of opening her eyes and accepting ever part of who she was and realizing who she wanted to be...and I know you can do the same thing to:) xoxoxoxoxo to you all!!!
Have you ever watched that show Mike and Molly? I love that show! On TV they never show "fat" people and their lifestyles, this is not what "sells". They finally went against the grain and created a show about two overweight people living their lives...and guess what? It sells! Why you ask?? It's not glamorous...its not sexy. The reason why is because 60% of Americans are overweight, it may be 10 pounds or 100 pounds. There is a small group that can not watch that show and remember a time in their life when they weren't going through the same issues with weight and food.
The thing I love most about this show is the fact that they don't make these people hide in shame, they are bringing the issues to the front, embracing who they are and giving all of us permission to do the same. Tell me, do you think you are the only person who has eaten a candy bar and put the wrapper under the seat of your car? Are you the only one that has gone on a diet and been so deprived you ran directly from the gym to the ice cream section of the grocery store. How about the only one that has taken their scales and thrown them in the trash? ( I have thrown three sets in my POOL!!) I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and never feel that you have to hide who you really are.
That brings me to who we really are. By now you know quite a bit about me and who I am, would you say that I am a binge eater who lacks self control when it comes to food, a person who buries her problems under a steep pile of cookies? I once was that person, but not anymore. I believe that you must really be honest with yourself about who you really are and how you live your life, and then and only then you can make the hard changes that will bring you to a new juncture where you will be able to make life changing decisions.
This is a hard pill to swallow, learning who you really are, but you can do it. The most important thing to remember is just because you are in one place today does not mean that is where you will be tomorrow. We all have the ability to accept ourselves lovingly, NO MATTER who we are, and from that point is where the change will blossom. For example: Every time I talk about my former habits and things I was ashamed of it releases a little more power for me to harness and put to good use on this journey. By admitting and talking about the things I always tried to hide I am releasing pent up guilt and shamefulness that no longer serves me any purpose, because I am no longer that person. The new Nikki I would say is a strong, centered, aware person who loves and respects her mind body and spirit. She got to this place by starting the journey on a platform of opening her eyes and accepting ever part of who she was and realizing who she wanted to be...and I know you can do the same thing to:) xoxoxoxoxo to you all!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
One of "Those People"
One of "Those People"
Have you ever heard of a breed of people that could have a chocolate bar in their possession and NOT eat it!! You know the kind that carry one around in their purse and literally take a piece out and eat only one and put the rest back!!! I know you know who I am talking about... they are out there I call them , "those people" .
In my lifetime I never thought I would know what it was like to see things through the eyes of "those people" because I certainly never would understand what it would take to just say NO to the chocolate!
I always believed that I was controlled by the food, I was practically rendered defenseless when it came to my addiction with food. I always blamed food and knew that I would be a slave for as long as I lived.
Over the last 7 months I have learned that I am NOT a slave to food...as a matter of fact it had nothing to do with food! I was using food to avoid my problems, cope with life and drown the voices of self doubt. Which brings me to today's Ah Ha moment.
Today I found myself living the life of one of "those people". About two weeks ago I bought a Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate bar and put it in the console of my car with the intention being to indulge in one serving size when I had a craving. Keeping it in my car is much better than in my pantry...out of sight and out of mind right?
Now 7 months ago I would have eaten the whole dang thing before I hit the Heath Road...but that day I didn't even open it I just placed it safely in the console. 7 Months ago I would make a special trip to the car at 11pm if I remembered I had dropped a damn M&M in the seat....but not now I totally forgot about that candy bar until today when I opened the console and saw it sitting there. I instantly began to smile...I thought "Oh My God! I have become one of Those People!" The ones who live their life by experiences instead of hiding behind a big chocolate bar!
At that point I thought...now "those people" would not eat the whole bar they take one piece and put the rest away...so I will try it and see what happens. I broke off one bar and slowly allowed the bar to melt in my mouth, tasting all the wonderful chocolate flavor, savoring each and every moment, and shockingly when it was gone I was 100% satisfied! With only one square!!!At that moment I knew I had become one of "those people" and I was truly grateful for everything I had to go through to get to this point in my journey. Without the wild ride on this roller coaster I have put myself on throughout the years I know for a fact that I never would have enjoyed that one square of chocolate as much as I did today. Today is a day of celebration and gratitude!!
Have you ever heard of a breed of people that could have a chocolate bar in their possession and NOT eat it!! You know the kind that carry one around in their purse and literally take a piece out and eat only one and put the rest back!!! I know you know who I am talking about... they are out there I call them , "those people" .
In my lifetime I never thought I would know what it was like to see things through the eyes of "those people" because I certainly never would understand what it would take to just say NO to the chocolate!
I always believed that I was controlled by the food, I was practically rendered defenseless when it came to my addiction with food. I always blamed food and knew that I would be a slave for as long as I lived.
Over the last 7 months I have learned that I am NOT a slave to food...as a matter of fact it had nothing to do with food! I was using food to avoid my problems, cope with life and drown the voices of self doubt. Which brings me to today's Ah Ha moment.
Today I found myself living the life of one of "those people". About two weeks ago I bought a Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate bar and put it in the console of my car with the intention being to indulge in one serving size when I had a craving. Keeping it in my car is much better than in my pantry...out of sight and out of mind right?
Now 7 months ago I would have eaten the whole dang thing before I hit the Heath Road...but that day I didn't even open it I just placed it safely in the console. 7 Months ago I would make a special trip to the car at 11pm if I remembered I had dropped a damn M&M in the seat....but not now I totally forgot about that candy bar until today when I opened the console and saw it sitting there. I instantly began to smile...I thought "Oh My God! I have become one of Those People!" The ones who live their life by experiences instead of hiding behind a big chocolate bar!
At that point I thought...now "those people" would not eat the whole bar they take one piece and put the rest away...so I will try it and see what happens. I broke off one bar and slowly allowed the bar to melt in my mouth, tasting all the wonderful chocolate flavor, savoring each and every moment, and shockingly when it was gone I was 100% satisfied! With only one square!!!At that moment I knew I had become one of "those people" and I was truly grateful for everything I had to go through to get to this point in my journey. Without the wild ride on this roller coaster I have put myself on throughout the years I know for a fact that I never would have enjoyed that one square of chocolate as much as I did today. Today is a day of celebration and gratitude!!
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