My Long Lost Friend
I drove into the parking lot and just sat there with the motor running, my palms sweaty, stomach in knots and fidgety as all hell. I left the car running so I could make my quick get away, because all I could think about was how much I wanted to put my foot to the floor and get away from this place as fast as possible. How could a place that my life once revolved around turn into my biggest nightmare? I used to wake up and run there just as fast as my feet would carry me, it was my favorite place in the world...but today I was petrified to walk through the doors. Where was I? The GYM!
Some of you who read this will just laugh and say "whatever". But many others will know exactly where I am coming from. When you walk in you are worried...everyone is looking at me...I know they are thinking"why are you bothering lady!". And...my butt...my butt is juggling while I am on the elliptical...why do they put the machines facing the wall?? That means everyone behind you is watching you jiggle?? And the mirrors...excuse me!! Are they really necessary?
All these crazy thoughts go through your head, so much so that you never really work to your full potential because you are so busy worrying about what everyone else is thinking about you. You find that YOU are the one in fact staring at everyone else, because you are intimidated by the "skinny mini" running on the treadmill. Am I right? I am here to tell you, they don't give a shit about you and your insecurities! Trust me when I say this, they are here to keep their bodies healthy and if they are working to their full potential they sure as the hell aren't worried about what you are doing! You are the last thing on their mind! So in the end you have tortured yourself for an hour with useless negative thoughts!
Why do we do this to ourselves? Two reasons.
1. Fear of change...We are looking for an excuse to stay right where we are, it takes courage to change, even if we desperately need it, down deep we know all the wonderful things that can come from change, but in the end we choose to not take the chance. We choose to stay right where we are because it is comfortable and we fear what change will bring. Sounds strange doesn't it? We choose a tattered life when we could have one that is whole. It is necessary to break this cycle and find the courage to make the change and sometimes it starts with something as trivial as walking into the gym.
2. Rejection of society...We put to much emphasis on how others see us, when what we really have to remember is...we are the ones who tell others "what" they are seeing. They mirror the image of what we are thinking! Whether we realize it or not, if we are insecure then people will see insecure, if we feel fat and frumpy that's what others will see. On the other hand if you feel vibrant and full of energy that is exactly what others will see. We tell people how to see us. If we spent more time focusing on feeling better about ourselves and less on who we thought people perceived us to be then the problem would be solved.
So back to my story...I took a deep breath and walked in through the door, put my headphones on and walked into a very crowded room of people on the machines. I thought for sure that they would all stare at me...but what I observed was something very different. The room was not full of "skinny mini's" it was full of ordinary people, people who were there for the same reasons I was. I immediately jumped onto a piece of equipment and worked to my full potential, then moved to the next piece and then the next piece all while remembering why I used to love the gym. Without finding the courage to walk through the door I would never have reconnected with my long lost friend...the gym;)
I challenge you today find courage to do something that puts a knot in your stomach just thinking about it, something that you know would benefit you but you just don't dare. Step on the scale...go to the gym...say yes to the blind date...ride that roller coaster you have always been afraid of...do some sort of public speaking, there's has to be something that requires you to tap into your box of courage. I promise you the high you get when you break through that barrier is way better than the feelings of shame you currently live with every single day for never trying.
This is soooo true. I initially joined because it was cheaper for me to get memberships for me and the kids and take them to the daycare to play and do their gym class 3 times a week than it was for me to enroll them in an outside activity where they went once a week for 45 minutes. I went in expecting to see the buff fitness freaks of the 80's and soon found that most of the people were just like me. I no longer despise the buff people, but admire them becauese they are just taking care of themselves and doing a damm fine job. I admire the elderly for getting out of their comfort zones and getting fit, and encourage the newbies who look a little lost like I was. I never see fitmess freaks anymore, just everyday people trying to get healthy. In the begining I stuck with the things I was comfortable with...the eliptical, and the bike and slowly I started trying new things and added the running, plus the arc trainers, and have recently moved on to the Nautalis equipment. Next it will be that dreaded stair machine that looks horrifying...LOL
ReplyDeleteThanks Nikki for reminding me of how far I've come on this journey!!