One year ago yesterday I sat in front of my computer with a bag of Oreos and tears rolling down my face not knowing why I used food deal with all my problems. At that moment I polished off the bag and wrote my first blog and posted my first weight photo for the whole facebook world to see. I remember feeling so lost and desperate to change this cycle in my life and I really had no clue as to where to begin...so I chose the "get real" approach, I needed to stop hiding.
One year later I spent the very same day making my way up the tallest mountain in Maine, Mount Katahdin. During all the preparation for this trip I kept telling myself how devastated I would be if I didn't make it to the top...and the weather became too dangerous about 3/4 of the way up so we had to turn back. Was I devastated? Not at all...I learned so much about myself along this journey that the summit did not matter.
I thought in the beginning that when I reached the summit I would have this great big epiphany but I realized throughout the day that it wasn't summiting that would charge that greatness, I already possessed it inside, it was me that had to unlock that door, not the summit! There is greatness inside us all and no one else will find it for you, you have to dig deep and recognize your own gifts and that paves the way for amazing things to happen in your life.
I will say I learned a lot more about myself yesterday...I don't give up anymore. There were times when we were scrambling boulders that were bigger than we were! I wanted to throw in the towel! I even started crying twice!! But I didn't give up, I forged ahead...as I did over the last year. In the past I would repeat the old patterns out of fear, yes I feared the unknown. But what I didn't realize was that the unknown was not scary at all as a matter of fact it was quite blissful! I just had to take a leap of faith and forge through all those fears.
Let me tell ya I faced one fear after another yesterday! I have a major fear of slippery rocks when I hike...Thank you Mount Katahdin...I am over that one because you poured like buckets on us!! I have always been afraid of heights...no longer!!! I feared that I may have to turn back because I physically could not make it...if the weather hadn't set it I would have been to the top! One year ago I also feared I would never live a life without walls, a life where food didn't rule every step I took. I faced that fear one day at a time and look at me today.... 70 pounds lighter climbing mountains! If you are still stuck in that spot I was in 1 year ago I urge you to make one change today, just take one little step each day, it is not something that happens over night just take it one step at a time just like I did the mountain.
Now many people have asked me....what is the key? Where do I start...because starting is the hardest part...which diet...which exercise?? The key is self love. Don't worry about diets, weight programs...you have tried them all...seriously what do you have to lose? It really is just that simple allow yourself to love yourself, accept yourself and all your qualities, and then...and only then will you start living the life that you deserve. After a while your patterns will change you will see how badly you treat yourself and those patterns will stop when you start of love yourself...you will start to naturally make the choices with food and exercise that you know your body deserves. Drop the fear of change, open doors, the same doors that we have shut out of fear, because I am here to tell you that when you do your life will change and you will see things with new eyes!! I love you all!! Thanks for supporting me on my journey...the journey is not over but this will be my last post...I have however started a list of 10 things I would have never done before I lost the weight and I plan to do them all so I will post them on my website www.nikkilook.com so check it out!! Feel free to email me if you ever are stuck and need a few words of encouragement sendoutlove@gmail.com
